(Do NOT read today's post if you tend to be a bit squeamish. This is not for the faint of heart.)
Okay, so you know how you've talked to people who say, "Yes, I had food poisoning once and I thought I was going to die." Then you look away and roll your eyes thinking, "Really? How could it possibly have been that bad."
Well, I'm here to tell you that food poisoning is indeed that bad! I mean, I didn't think I was dying but this was very close to child birth without pain meds. And I can truthfully report to you that my entire system is so devoid of anything that I'm looking forward to getting on the scales tomorrow. Smile.
Rewind to lunchtime yesterday. There were some delicious leftovers in the refrigerator at church and we had a very busy day. So in an effort to save time and money, Kristin ran by to join Amanda and me for the "feast". We made sandwiches, laughed and talked, then all went back to work. About two hours later my tummy started talking to me using very unpleasant verbiage.
Then suddenly the battle began in earnest and I was not winning. Let's just say that I've never been quite so thankful for a good cleaning company taking care of our bathrooms as I was yesterday. I sat on the floor in Frank's office half-bath trying to regain my composure. (He was working the polls near our home.) When Amanda came in and found me, she immediately started packing my things for me to go home.
As I attempted to protest, another wave hit me and my words were wasted on porcelain. She wanted to drive me home but she seemed fine and I'm "Wonder Woman in Polyester" right? So I grabbed the smallest garbage can she could find, placed it close to me on the console and headed for 2013 Misty Morning. Longest drive of my life!!
I took back roads to better facilitate pulling over periodically. And even while in terrible pain, tears running down my face, my warped sense of humor came in to play. "Why does moaning help at a time like this?" I thought. "There isn't even anyone to hear me." But moan I did!
I made it home - barely. Located my phone and my trash can; then headed straight for my own bathroom. Kristin called a few minutes later and I asked her to come home. She knew it had to be bad because the mama takes care of everyone else; the mama doesn't ask for help, right? I told her to go get her dad. I was well aware that the polls had not yet closed but my patriotism took a back seat to my pain. I didn't know if we were going to be making a trip to the hospital.
That's when things went from bad to worse. It hit Kristin too!
She made it to the polling station to get Frank then came home and fell out on her bathroom floor. I knew someone had to go get Amanda because it was just a matter of time for her as well. Meagan left work, went to Amanda's apartment, brought her to our house and provided her with a customized "container" of her own.
Frank was already on the phone with poison control. He and Meagan took over as doctor and nurse; running from room to room; offering sips of Sprite or Gatorade; exchanging trash bags; covering those chilling; uncovering those hot flashing. Well, you get the picture.
Once they got us in semi-comfortable positions, Meagan looked at Frank and said, "Doctor, I'm starving!" It was around 7:00 and they didn't have food poisoning! Smile.
I'm sure the retelling of this wild story will render uproarious laughter in years to come. But right now? Let's just say that although I still feel badly, I felt so much worse yesterday that right now actually feels pretty good by comparison. (How's that for a descriptive, run-on sentence?) Kristin and Amanda are some better this morning too.
Oh yeah, stay away from the left-overs in the refrigerator!