Friday, June 11, 2010

Power Surges, Insomnia and Other Inconveniences

"Well I Never!"

(Classic southern expression used to denote extreme surprise or dismay!)

I can not remember the last time I slept so late as today; however, the story involved is kinda funny. It seems that at around the half-century mark of most women's lives we begin to experience power surges in our maturing bodies. (I've also heard this phenomenon referred to as hot flashes but I much prefer power surge.)

For me, it feels like someone has sneaked surreptitiously into my chest cavity and without so much as a single warning, they flip the switch on a radiant heater that immediately shoots a wave up toward my head and another down toward my stomach. A tingling sensation often accompanies this occurrence which feels like little electrical impulses dashing madly down my arms.

When this takes place and wakes me from a dead sleep, I am forced to quickly remind myself, "It's only a Power Surge, Sheri. Do NOT panic. You are NOT in the middle of a serious medical anomaly of any sort. Throw the covers aside and take a calming breath - NOW!" The tricky part is in trying to avoid hitting or waking Frank with all my wild flailing and fanning. (Of course, he is burrowed deeply under the covers trying to keep warm in the arctic temperatures of our bedroom.) What to do?!

Power surges usually begin to subside almost as quickly as they peak. But while you are "riding the wave" of a surge - Whoa, Nellie! I'm still looking for a mental exercise to keep me engaged while in the midst of this experience. There seemed to be a lot more public information available when my uniquely feminine medical questions centered on contractions, birthing and such. Hmmmm, maybe women struggle with admitting that they have hit the half-century mark; having babies certainly was a lot more fun.

Anyway, I experienced several power surges last night that began around 2:00 am and kept me awake until around 5:30 at which time I was finally able to dose back off to sleep! And that's why I slept until 9:00 this morning. Thank heavens it was my day off and I had the luxury of doing that.

I was talking with a friend last week about this issue of insomnia and surges. We decided that if we could create a cover system containing weighted edges, we could market them to women like ourselves as the newest thing in exercise equipment. Just think about it. You lift the covers off yourself, you fan the covers, you cool down and pull the covers back over yourself. Wait one hour and repeat. By the time one engaged in this activity several times through the night over the course of several years, one could build incredible biceps simply by lifting and moving the weighted coverings.

This idea really could be bigger than Suzanne Somer's Thigh Master; which was purchased by unsuspecting, misinformed husbands all over the country for their wives and girlfriends. (Contact us as soon as possible if you want in on the ground level.) Smile.

Last night's foray into middle age left me off-kilter today and I'm afraid that I made almost no progress on the "Day-off Projects" list I'd made for myself. However, I have found the middle of the night to be a great time for uninterrupted prayer and meditation. The real test has been being pleasant the next day without sleep. Great time to quote, "....his grace is sufficient..."

Younger readers will no doubt find this description somewhat amusing and ponder what their own responses will be when middle age catches up to them many decades down the road. The rest of us are aware that this has arrived via the "fast-forward" button on life's remote. Who knows, maybe there will be a cure for power surges one day. Until then, flip the covers and keep a fan handy. Smile.

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