If I were given to melancholy, this would be the perfect time for it!
No one likes change. Don't kid yourself. It doesn't matter what they say - NO ONE likes change.
I see the benefits of change. I understand the necessity of change. I even have sermons encouraging the listeners to embrace change! But none of that means I have to LIKE it!
And here I sit, living through a season of the journey where the word transition might as well be tattooed across my forehead. (Now wouldn't that be lovely!)
It feels like my tidy little basket has been picked up and shaken. No, wait. Shak-en is past tense and would mistakenly indicate that the shaking has concluded.
Sleep continues to be a "hit or miss" proposition during all this "life-style altering." So 5 AM found me wandering into Kristin's room after letting Bella and Gracie have a run around the back yard.
It's long been a habit for Frank and me to stand at our children's doors and pray for them if we couldn't sleep. We call everyone by name - even after they've moved out.
Kristin's bed and chest and night stand have been gone since the week after the wedding.
(She and Cody are making a valiant effort to combine all her years of household collecting with his one-bedroom apartment. Not an easy task, I assure you. This girl could have used a storage container-sized hope chest!)
But her clothes closet and jewelry and pictures have all stayed exactly the same. Until, yesterday.
Apparently, she came by after teaching (while we were at the office) and emptied her closet. My breath caught when I opened the door.
She had called to say she was going by the house to pick up her clothes. But I didn't register that she meant all her clothes.
Stepping into the closet, I picked up a bag and found her veil. Carefully smoothing it out and placing it over a lone velvet hanger that remained, somehow gave me comfort. The crystal-edged tulle swayed slightly. The single item hanging on what had been a completely full rod.
She's always been the organizer in our clan, so the chaos of boxes and stacks of.......stacks of.......stuff looks completely out of place behind her bedroom door. Standing there looking around the room, I was hit with an unexpected wave of the transition tsunami.
Kristin's wedding - our last daughter to marry - has firmly closed the door on what was.
It's my job to take a deep breath, steady myself, and open the door on what will be. Standing around missing the "what was" too much, can be dangerous.
As I sit here in my prayer chair (with Gracie squeezed in beside me and Bella warming my feet) the sun is rising on a brand new day. There are opportunities for joy on the horizon.......if I watch for them.
Meagan and Nathan want to save for a home of their own. So during Thanksgiving, they will be moving in with us for a while. Noah will bring his own sunshine with him!
And next summer, Noah will become a BIG BROTHER! Yes, grand baby number four is on the way! We are all thrilled!
Because Meagan is allergic to Bella, our loyal lab has to be relocated. But Cody and Kristin have decided she can live with them. So we know she'll get lots of attention and love.
Joy and John continue to amaze us as they work with the youth and music and young families of our church. All the while, raising two adorable children that make my heart turn upside down with their smiles and hugs and precocious comments.
Yes, it's pretty much a tidal wave........all this change. And controlling it is out of the question. But determining my perspective on it? Well, that's completely my call.
Tears have to be swiped away a bit more often these days. I may be doing a lot of deep, ragged sighing. And you can see some pronounced circles under my eyes from time spent sorting things out in the middle of the night.
But as I study the soft hues of dawn, I rehearse what I know to be truth - change is for the good. Only I can choose the healthy path of "Moving Forward" as opposed to sitting dejectedly by the road called "What Was."
So I'll arm myself with some encouraging scriptures of hope (and a box of tissues.) I'll reach for the door marked FUTURE! And I'll walk through to what WILL BE.